Prefer to access this in a Google doc? SHAZAM! Here ya go. :)
Thank you for your courage to examine and deepen your relationship to who you really are and build your sense of self-worth. I created this to help you love you for you.
T H E W H Y
We have all seen successful, wealthy, famous, adored people at the height of their success, who choose to end their lives. I hypothesize that part of the reason for this is that it can be even harder to hone in on our intrinsic self-worth once we are already successful. Attaining goals often takes time and in that time it is easy to get swept up in basing our core identities and personal confidence on those achievements. But in the end, we find that the exhilaration and self-confidence from achievement fades…and in the absence of intrinsic self-worth, makes us feel emptier than ever.
This is why – especially if you have big dreams in life – it is critical that you first build your sense of self-worth and identity around your intrinsic value versus your accomplishments.
If you don’t do this work now, it may become much harder to do after you accomplish your dreams.
If you don’t do this work now, you risk feeling emptier than ever when you do realize your dreams.
If you don’t do this work now, you will not be able to truly enjoy your success…or feel satisfied when you get it.
My personal experience
2022 was supposed to be the year that I go all-in on entrepreneurship, make enough money to support myself with my gifts, and begin to achieve the big goals I have had in my heart. After 7 years in this field and 5 months of frenzied work in 2022 creating art, meditations, writings, videos…trying different strategies and failing, not reaching the numbers or financial stability I hoped for, being pretty close to broke…I was forced to examine the scenario in which I fail at all of it.
I looked at my life as it would be if I do not realize my dreams of big stages, large numbers of changed lives, important & meaningful books, and abundant wealth.
I felt empty. Without my achievements, I felt worthless.
The realization that most of my self-worth was based on what I do instead of who I am was the low place I had to reach to begin building my intrinsic value.
After doing these 2 exercises, I opened up a newfound well of inner appreciation for Kate, no matter what she does. I began to be able to see that I bring value to others’ lives and the world (and to myself) just by existing and by being me. For the first time in my life, I truly love me for me.
Most of all, I feel grateful that I did this work now, before all my dreams come true. Success is risky; many don’t survive. I want to be able to survive and thrive in my success. Now I can see that when I do write the important book, speak on the big stages, and have abundance to share, that these are not the source of my value or happiness in life. They are just things I do because I am so full of self-love and passion that it overflows into my work.
OVERVIEW
Set aside 1 hour to complete this experience today.
An important aspect of extracting your achievement from your self-worth is to pause the dogged pursuit and appreciate what and who you are, separate from what you do. That’s why Part I of this worksheet is a visualization exercise for you to observe how you feel about yourself if you never reach any of your goals. Yes, you read that correctly.
If you, like I did, feel a sense of inner emptiness and lack in this visualization, then you’ll want to proceed to Part 2, in which you can begin to identify and understand your value for who you are as a person.
I want you (and me) to reach all of our goals, to achieve big things – but I want you to know that our value does not come from success. You were born with your value and it is in how you live, love, and move in the world. It’s in your heart and the crinkle at the corner of your eye when you allow a big belly laugh to erupt from within you. You are lovable just as you are, just as you show up…and if you feel a rift of belief within you reading these words, well then – there’s no time to waste. Get started.
PART I: DISCOVER | The Visualization
If you are struggling to reach your goals right now, this visualization likely won’t be too far from your consciousness. Bravely step into it fully:
Close your eyes.
Imagine that all you are working towards, all your dreams relating to success, notoriety, achievement, financial wealth…imagine for a moment that none of them come to pass.
Your world remains where it is now…you live out your life influencing the people you currently influence: your immediate circle of friends and family, your existing followers. Your financial situation stays the same - you get by, but don’t have a lot of surplus wealth. You don’t have lots of awards. You live a quiet life on a “smaller” scale.
First - How do you feel in this future?
Feel into how you feel in your gut - a sinking feeling? An emptiness? Or fullness and meaning? Do you wonder what there is to like about you if you’re not rich or famous or a CEO?
Feel into whether you feel strong within yourself living a “small” life - be honest.
Perhaps you’d like to take this opportunity to rate your self-worth, extracted from achievement. How well (or not well) can you see your value just being you? Rate it 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest).
2. Next - Keeping that visualization in your consciousness, imagine how you might brighten someone’s life (like a neighbor or family member) just by showing up for them with a kind smile and compassionate ear when they’re having a bad day.
Consider how meaningful that could be. Feel into the light you radiate just by existing and being you.
Think about how your personality, your smile, your kindness, your sense of humor, the way your mind works - how this positively impacts the people with whom you come into contact on a daily basis.
Create a sense of meaning and fullness from brightening the lives of people around you in your “smaller” version of life just by showing up and being yourself. Allow yourself to feel a sense of pride for sharing simply your presence with others.
PART II: LOVE YOU FOR YOU | Feel into your intrinsic value
Extract achievement from your self-worth by building up your intrinsic worth. Complete this worksheet here or in another document or a journal. Give yourself time to let answers flow, even if they don’t at first. Don’t be afraid to write down “silly” or “small” things. These aren’t silly or small. They matter.
Things I am good at:
What I like about my appearance:
I’ve helped others by:
What I value the most:
Compliments I have received:
Challenges I have overcome:
Things that make me unique:
Times I’ve made others happy:
+ + +
This is just one piece of your journey towards loving you for you.
You work so hard at achieving your goals. Put that same effort and zeal into loving the real you so that when your dreams come true, you can fully enjoy them in the fullness of knowing those are just things you do because you are so full of self-love and passion.
The questions in Part II of this article were taken from a wonderful, extensive article on self-love and self-worth by Courtney E. Ackerman, M.A. published on Psychology Today. I recommend reading it and using the further questions to deepen your intrinsic self-worth building practice.
Have questions and want to connect with me to share your experience with this practice? Drop me a line: katemanser@gmail.com.